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coasting

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coasting's Journal

Created on 2002-05-08 01:16:52 (#552943), last updated 2005-10-04

15 comments received, 17 comments posted

Basic Account [Gift]

24 Journal Entries, 0 Tags, 0 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 2 Userpics

Basic Info

Name:	coast-ing on air
Location:	United States

Bio

I chose coasting because I feel as though any happiness I sometimes find is simply me coasting on whatever good deeds I once may have performed.

I am coasting on... what luck I have left.
I am running out fast.

background
I first stuck my finger down my throat in eighth grade. It took a month or two, but eventually I learned to love that feeling, that rush you get when you've gorged on unspeakable sins, but you still win because it all went away. The bulimic's high. It feels good.

At one point my actions reflected anorexia instead. Turned out I always thought anorexic thoughts. Really, they are just thoughts. Thoughts that people with eating disorders happen to have very frequently.
My Conclusion: I was just shitty at being anorexic. Just another reason to hate my imperfection.

I am a very selfish person, as many people are, but I try so hard, so often to not be that I sometimes actually convince myself and others that I am not so self concerned.

This journal was created so that I can share and spill every little insecurity I have, every ounce of hate I experience, every hint of fear, envy, jealousy I feel is unjustified. I created this journal so that I can do so without fear of being judged the way I judge myself.

It did not turn out that way. I write here sporadically, my other journal and this journal share a number of friends, so I easily keep up with people. I spend significant time on both journals. I will usually first try to generalize my thoughts into an abstract form appropriate for anyone, everyone. Often that is impossible, so I come here.

I make public entries and not private ones because I would feel it a considerable waste to never share what I write, however great or crappy it is.

If you happen to make the connection between this journal and anything involving my first/other journals, or just me, I wouldn't mind hearing about it. But please don't let anyone else know.

Current: 148 | 166 | 165 | 150
Highest: 165 | 176 | 186 | 187
Lowest: like the day i was born? i suck.

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